The Animals We Have Become

Jaya's Closet: Wheel of Ptah
The Margrave's Summons
Shake It Out

Shake It Out

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way
I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play.

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way
I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around

Our love is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground.
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it’s always darkest before the dawn.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
’Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It’s a fine romance but it’s left me so undone

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Oh whoa, oh whoa…

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat.

‘Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off.

Jaya's Closet: Erebus
into the black
Erebus: Into the Dark

I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown.
I hear a voice: “You must learn to stand up
for yourself
cause I can’t always be around.”
When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
Cause things are gonna change
so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I’ll always want you near.
You say that things change
Jaya's To-Do List

((On pretty, fancy stationary paper, probably doodled with hearts and unicorns and crap.))

Today —

  • Take a pack group photo!!! (Can Brigid show up on film?)
  • Ask Brigid if she can show up on film.
  • Talk to Sam about getting together with one of the sept Galliards to do a song. She has the prettiest voice, and we don’t have anyone to sing for us right now.
  • Also: Get earmuffs for Sam.
  • Talk to Pikov about V. I want to set up a memorial for her at school.
  • What’s up with the were… hyenas??
  • Talk to Tate about app idea. Somewhere public.
  • Do inventory for mom.
  • Ask Dust River about the lady captured.
  • Find out what Naomi likes!!!
  • Get Nadine something nice.
  • Kiera needs some good gloves if she’ll be swinging that hammer much. Callouses are gross.
  • Destroy this list later, because anyone finding will think I’m insane and probably a criminal.
Also overheard

Various other things heard once the pack returns.

Branwen: … worried, I haven’t seen Eh-To-Yok in a few days.

Correy: Well, he did mention something about going off to check in with his cousins at some coyote club meeting.

Tesla: ..the things you two created in the pattern were absolutely amazing.

Muerta Negra: Yes, it can be so when two of us get together. It is a shame that he had to depart so quickly, but our duties called.

Tesla: I dare sas that You’d have a certain glow about you since he departed.

Muerta Negra: The Camarilla are still investigating the killing, but haven’t had much in terms of leads.

Skulking Laughter: Could it really have had something to do with that Simba that was in the territory?

MN: The kindred that was killed was an ancient, older than any vampire in this city currently, I would be surprised if a lone Simba could kill them, unless they were surprised and already incapacitated.

SL: But if that is the case, then how was the SImba dead too, could they have killed each other?

MN: I don’t know, it is damned peculiar.


((This conversation is overheard the night of the Totem Hunt, during the aftermath and revelry following the hunt.))

Dust River: I understand this, but it still stands that she was in the city without letting anyone know she was, or in any announcing her pressence…

African Man: She was on official Ahadi business, hunting a….

African Female/Ajaba(were-hyena): Osei, quiet, we are his guests…

Adofo: It matters not Adaeze, Kainda could have wiped the floor with any member of this dogs pack, she could not have…

D.R. : Enough… I understand that this, Kainda, was a part of your pack, and a vital…

Adaeze: Now you can watch yourself cub, Kainda was a powerful leech hunter, and I find it highly doubtful that she could have been taken out by the blood sucker that she had tracked here. I don’t care about what ever pretty words you have with the wyrmspawn, nor do we have time to go through your petty Cityspawn red-tape. You will see to it that we have access to the site where the battle took place, and you will see to it that we are unaccosted by anyone, living or dead, while here, or you will more to worry about than Blacktooth coming to investigate himself…

((Adaeze and Osei storm off together into the night.))


That fackin plonker Thrashes lost his head so bad he couldn’t tell friend from foe. What the fack did he go and get in his head, charging off like that at the sight of a bloody hammer? Was he that pissed off about legends? How was just a Fostern thinkin’ so small; there are lots garou out there stronger than him, stronger than me. He could have got us all killed he could, and thanks to his bloody self goin’ off the deep I had to knack his melt in and leave him behind. The whole damn thing was thrillin’, I’ve never felt more alive, but havin’ to leave someone behind, that is just…pure pish with a side of shite. When I see that Thrashes again I’m going to bate the bag outta the bastard, but first we got to get to the caern and tell Dust River the damn thunderwyrm is still a bloody functioning wyrm caern. Shite I hope they don’t blame us for this. Thrashes gave us the go to belt the bastards AND frenzied to boot, and we tried to get him out, but there was just no having it with over a dozen of them spirals showing up midway into the fight.

Jaya's Closet: Rite of Passage
visually getting in character
Rite of Passage

A left note

Contained within a small folded note left out for Jaya.


It is funny how things end up, huh? Without this crazy wolvesblood in us, we wouldn’t have ever looked twice at each other. Sometimes, I’m still not sure how you guys look at me. During training, you all seem to fit together, run together, flow together like a river.

I feel so awkward, out of place. You have such beauty, Kiera has strength, Naomi has the brains, Sam has the skills and Nadine is already a werewolf, born and bred. How can I compete with all of that? You have been kind to me, giving us all gifts, but I can’t help but wonder if you’d do the same if we didn’t share this. I don’t recall anyone not of the clique getting your attention last year.

I don’t, well, no,that’s not right. I am being harsh, and hell, I am not even sure why. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I don’t know if I will make it back, hell, not even sure if I want to make it back. We have all this damned power, but can’t do anything with it! I can feel my blood boiling any time I think of those bastards from the party, but can I take them, hurt them, no!? Why the hell is it worth anything?

We’ll see what happens with this right of passage, who knows, maybe I’ll get to kick ass and chew bubblegum.


Can't I Be Someone Else?
Jaya's diary entry - May

Worst. Day. EVER! :( [OOC: Yes, she uses emoticons in personal diary entries.]

Worst WEEK, even. Month. EVERYTHING.

It’s YOUR FAULT, Matt Lancaster! I blame you!! You JERK, you call me from Phoenix to tell me you’re off to boot camp and we’re over and it was fun, bye-bye?! Do you know how much ice cream I’ve eaten since then? I couldn’t squeeze into my prom dress if I tried. NOT THAT I NEED TO ANYMORE! D:<

So first you, you make me a mess, sad and depressed and lonely, and then the caern… not that I could have ever really told you about that, Matt, you just thought I was in a wilderness club or whatever, but I was doing something IMPORTANT! Watching the Garou fight that ugly, bloated thing, and some people DIED. What were you doing, Matt?? Drinking? Cruising? :P

I didn’t even GO to that fight out at the mesa. I had nothing to do with it! I made some phone calls and I stayed home and watched romantic comedies on Netflix until I wanted to kill myself, and then I go to the sept to check on everybody and they’re a MESS. They fight like this all time, battling and struggling and getting torn apart by stuff you can’t even IMAGINE, you creep. And when there was nothing else I could do, I went for a run to try and clear my head, shake out the crap you left in there.

All this to say — these Garou that fight the battles I’m glad I don’t have to, all the horrible things that I’m grateful they keep at bay, these werewolves who are so scary and so awe-inspiring at the same time — and I’m one of them. O.o

And it’s your fault. I was supposed to be too old to change, and if I’d been able to be calmer, if you hadn’t flipped everything upside down… maybe it would have stayed dormant. But no. Those horrible things at the caern, all those spirits on the other side, all these terrifying Garou at the sept… I’m a part of it. I don’t want to be. Q.Q

I changed while RUNNING. And I kept RUNNING. All these others, they change and people die, something gets destroyed, it’s nasty and violent and it means they’re warriors. I ran across the desert and got tackled by a bobcat! What must they THINK of me??? :-O

It was OK when I was kin. It explained the dreams, it explained why I was so into sports when my friends wanted to stay home and play with dolls or watch TV. I was able to help, feel useful, feel part of this exciting secret society protecting the world without anyone knowing. I was protected and far away from the front lines.

That all changes now. Kiera says I might be better off leaving my parents, that they’re in danger and they can’t even know it. I can’t leave them! But what can I tell them? What will I do about school? I’m going to have to lie, much more than I ever have, and I don’t want to do it. I can’t tell my friends, either. Elise, Natalie and Jordan… they all think I’m super weird anyway for disappearing a couple weekends a month on my wilderness club. Especially when I tell them there’s no cute boys so they won’t want to go. But this is going to be worse. I’m going to be gone a LOT. And what if I get hurt? How will I explain that? :-/

I might have to drop out. Bye, friends, bye social life, bye college, bye photojournalism career! I might have to leave home. Bye, wonderful parents who took me in and took care of me! Bye room, bye all my stuff, bye holidays and vacations and everything that makes me ME!

And you know, whatever they make me do, whatever I feel about it, I can’t even complain. I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t even hurt anybody. And all these new changes — some of them did. They were in battle, they lost someone, they did something they regret… they’ve all got it worse. I’m not the only one losing my life and I have to remember that. And I know, it’s an honor to be chosen to protect the Earth.

I just don’t want it. And the suckiest part is… I wish you were back here, Matt. I’m so mad at you, but I’d like you to be here so we can have a nice, normal argument with nice, normal heartbreak and drama, like nice, normal people.

I enjoyed being human, even when it hurt. What do I do now?

About Facking Time!

I can’t believe it, I just can’t facking believe it! I’m a facking Garou! It’s 6 years late, but it happened, it god damned happened! I’m a facking Garou, and shite I am huge! I wish my uncle was still around. This calls for a celebration; time to break out the creature and get rote of. That dog McDanan gets his, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about the bet, the entire caern can see my tits for all I care. I’ll be too busy suckin’ diesel and partying to give a damn. Here’s to Gaia and my uncle, now I can finally honor his memory the right way.

but god damned those scrawbed Ogres know how to belt. Suck it ya manky wyrmspawn! Next time we set I’ll knack yer melt in better.


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